Thursday, 4 June 2015

Where is Love?

I seem to have an Oliver (Twist) fixation at present! I shared the “Who Will Buy” YouTube link on Twitter the other day, and here I am now singing “Wheeeeere is love? Does it fall from skies above?” Have I got you ear worming yet? Yes? Good! It’s a nice song for this blog post.

So, I read Lynn Warford’s “Mutual Love and Respect: Necessities for a Happy Marriage”. It’s an interesting book. Lynn shares his many bad and one excellent relationship experiences as a cautionary tale to others. But as I read his rather stoic take on love it set me to thinking. Lynn had a definite idea of which boxes would be ticked to alert him to the fact he was in love. I am not here to judge this approach. We all have our own ideas of love.

My teenage self fell madly in love a few times. As an adult I look back on these times and question if indeed it was love. I feel compelled to defend the teenager and confirm yes, it was. But it was a very different kind of love.

So the question I’m really asking is what is love. Is one form of love better than any other? Well no, of course not. They’re just different.

I’ve had several people review (and give private feedback) on my book Rekindled Love. Most of the readers confess to shedding tears somewhere along their way through this novel. Why? I think it’s because it reaches a very innocent love we felt many years ago, that we hold dear and will treasure always. It was a love driven by hormonal lust. It was all consuming and infatuated. It was as if we were engulfed in its flames. But for most of us those flames burn too fast and too bright, and sadly fizzle out and the relationship must come to an end.

As we journey through life we experience many things. These experiences change and shape us as a person. This in turn changes our perspective of life.

Confession; I have been married before. Was I in love with my first husband? Emphatically yes! I will never regret that marriage (although I may regret how it turned out). It was totally right for me at that time. I was in my late teens when I met him. Over the course of the following eleven years I changed massively. My confidence levels grew, my opinions and outlook received a major readjustment. At the same time this was happening my husband was also changing, but in a different direction. We simply grew apart, and we reached a point that we were no longer compatible. So, I ask again – was this love? Absolutely, but sadly it just wasn’t sustainable.

Do we marry too young? The bridal industry seems to target the early twenty somethings. These young people are barely out of college/university. They’re just starting to step out into the big wide world. Of course we still feel deeply in love at that age, and it is no less than any other. And it’s great to have a loving hand to cling onto as we take those scary steps into adult life. Some relationships are made stronger by the fact they’ve faced these new challenges together. Some don’t.

Society dictates marriage is for life, but in today’s environment, with so many pressures and expectations is this realistic? We seem to have growing expectations (oh dear; more Dickens!); we expect to own our own home, to have nice things, to go on foreign holidays, and to live happily ever after. Hmmm…do we need to manage our expectations or our concept of marriage? It’s certainly food for thought!

My second husband and I are still happily married (and long may it continue). Having learned some valuable lessons on my life path I had a better understanding of what I did/not need as I entered this relationship. And my husband is an absolute superstar; he not only allows but actively encourages my personal growth and he’s my soulmate. We understand and connect with each other on a deeper soul level. Our love is greater and richer because of all that has gone before.

Getting back to my original question – where is love? And where does it come from? Does it fall from skies above (as our friend Oliver would have it)? My holistic friends have a rather lovely take on this; we are all sparks of Divine Love. I don’t want to apply any one religion to this thought; that’s just too much for debate for my little blog to cope with. I like the word ‘Divine’ – one can apply any deity to it, so please feel free to do so as you feel fit.

We are all created with this Divine Love, it is inherent within us. We don’t have to go looking for it, it’s already here. Isn’t that lovely?

My novels all look at love from a different angle. There are as many ways to love as there are stars in the sky. The important thing is just to remember that love exists. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Every thought and every action you have should come from a place of love.

For today’s conclusion I would just like us all to get together in a massive eHug please.

I love you all!

Love & light,




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