PONDERING - The Realities of Being an Author (10 years in)

 

This is NOT a brag post, far from it. However, writing is easy for me. I love it. Stories come to me in that place between sleep and awake, and when the words flow out of me into my manuscript, it’s a special kind of magick. That's not to say I don't have my moments, though - those times where Self-Doubt creeps in or a character does something stupid. 

However, the rest is HARD!

There is always research, especially for my historical novels. Love in the Roses (my medieval book) took me two YEARS to create. But that’s its own kind of fun, even if one does end up in rabbit holes of The Internet discovering one exciting thing after another.

The hard part is what comes after. The editing; hacking away bits you love yet don’t drive the story.

The publishing – so many decisions to make from cover design to blurb writing and the myriad of options one must sift through; pricing, size, paper, platform/s etc. And the countless uploads into your chosen platform, ensuring the book displays as you intended.

Then there’s the marketing. That’s where the real work begins. Creating beautiful images and videos, deciding which quotes are enticing. And adapting according to which social media outlet you use; each has their own style expectation. And then one must do battle with the algorithms, trying against all odds to get a wide audience to see the wonders you’ve spent hours creating. It can feel like you’re screaming into the void.

But increasingly, there is The Fear.

Not only is it incredibly nerve-wracking to push the big, scary publish button (which in itself is terrifying). I mean, what if readers hate your precious book baby? This is perhaps the biggest hurdle and why so many potential writers don't meet their full potential.

But no, that's not fear enough on its own, says The Universe. We now live in an age of Cancel Culture – you so much as breathe in the wrong way and someone will decide to be offended and cry for your cancellation. And that’s before you even encounter trolls who just target you because they can and they’re bored. Or, dare I say, those who tear other authors down as they fear competition. Seriously, there are millions of readers out there – we can and should share.

The latter saddens me the most. Authors are often the only ones who know our lived experience, who understand this crazy journey. We should only be supportive of one another. Heaven knows I try to.

Then there is the endless sea of scammers. I block accounts daily. There are those who promise to garner thousands of followers if you just pay $xx (which they won’t). Or tell you they want to read your book, but ask for payment. And, of course, many authors get sent dick pics. Or end up on lists so you get tagged in those annoying posts pretending you’ve won something. Or folk who say they want you to be a brand ambassador. The list goes on.

Pirates sail those seas too. And if you’re unfortunate enough for someone to steal your book, and put it on an illegal site, if you’re in Kindle Unlimited and Amazon bots detect your book “on sale” elsewhere they’ll cancel your whole account, even though you’re utterly innocent. And you try arguing against The Mighty Zon!! 

There was even a raft of writers a few months ago who Amazon accused of being connected to a banned account – authors who had only had one selling account for years. Their accounts got closed with no initial explanation. Their protestations were met with unsympathetic representatives who insisted they were guilty. It took the assistance of big name influencers and many many emails to get their accounts reinstated.

Then there are hackers. I personally, lost my original author fb account which had a fan page and support groups attached to it. After 8 years, I had 6,000 followers. Lost! And no way to get it back.

Authors are NOT rich! Most of us have day jobs in order to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads. On average, we receive £1 per book. And that’s not profit. Out of that, we have to pay for editors, cover designers, merchandising and advertising etc. etc. etc.

Like all creatives, we do not write for profit. There are far easier ways to make money, believe me.

I write because I love it! But all the stress caused by The Fear created from the above is making it increasingly hard to hold onto that love. There are only so many times you can hit your head against a brick wall before giving yourself concussion.

Look, this all sounds like I hate my author life. I really don’t. I’m just exhausted! The countless hours of creating videos/images along with all the writing bits mounts up. And I’ve been working a lot of temp jobs this year in order to fund my book launches and pay for the increasing cost of living that we’re all experiencing.

I was really ill repeatedly at the tail end of last year. To the extent that I went to my dark place, not being able to foresee a time I would ever feel healthy again. Yes, I'm saying I considered taking my own life - just being honest here. And even although I’ve recovered, my energy still gets easily sapped. And I know I’m not alone in this.

That Which Shan’t Be Named had a massive impact on us all (spot the obvious statement of the year!). But it did. Has. We’re still feeling the aftermath of that horrific time. We were all put into flight or fight mode for a prolonged period, even if we did not get the lurgy itself. And that alone is exhausting.

But trying to be creative under such duress was nigh impossible. And for people like we authors, that’s incredibly frustrating. We feel like we’re failing, and panic that we’ll never write again. That we’ve lost that magick spark which lights us up. *NEWS FLASH* we haven’t lost it.

We’re at midsummer right now as I write this. We’re supposed to be at the zenith of power for the year. However, in the UK, we have oppressive heat. Our hot weather comes with incredibly high humidity and we live in homes designed to trap heat in as we used to be a cold country. Most of us don’t have air conditioning. And we feel like we’re being baked like potatoes! This can make us grumpy, miserable, aggressive, frustrated, unwell, fatigued – any/all of these. It does not help us find our happy thought!

After ten years of being a writer, I’ve learned a lot. I wrote down all the things I wish I’d known at the start of my author life in order to pave the way for others; to make it a little easier for them. How To Write A Historical Novel And Love It is its title. There is even a checklist to work through for when writers reach the publishing stage.

Stories still come to me, and so still I write them. And love it. I just wish all the harassment and bleurgh of life would stop so I could get on with the job I love.

What makes it all worth it? Good reviews! Knowing there is someone out there who enjoyed all my effort lights up my soul. I write for them. To bring someone else a little joy in this ever darkening landscape.

(fellow indie author, Wendy Hewlett and me)

Why did I write this post? Maybe partially to vent all this frustration. But also so other authors know they’re not alone. This life can be very isolating, and it’s all too easy to feel we’re failing, and the only one experiencing obstacles. But we’re never alone. I've seen the worried posts - I've seen you and heard you.

Also, I really wanted readers to appreciate all the challenges we writers face.

We don’t expect everyone to love everything we write. You’re never going to be able to please all of the people all of the time, and all that. Your opinion is valid. But please, don’t be spiteful in reviews. I’ve seen far too many authors crumble from hurtful words. All I ask is for a little compassion, a fair and balanced view of your reading experience.

Authors need support. Yes, don’t we all? I know. But it truly is important. Now more than ever. If you did enjoy a book, please do leave a review and/or share it with your friends and social media. After all, what is a writer without a reader?

If we get more readers, we can afford to write more books – it’s that simple.

(yes, me with Sophie Kinsella; name drop!)

Anyway, thank you for listening. I hope this post has shone a light on some things. And you don’t think I’m just being a moaning Minnie. I just wanted to be honest.

I want to leave on a more positive note. So, I’ll say thank you to all my lovely readers who do leave reviews and/or share my bookish news – I truly appreciate you.

Always in love and light,

TL