PONDERINGS - COVID 19; the elephant in the room & what we've been doing to cope

As a writer with a blog, it feels wrong not to write a post about this surreal time. Surreal - my most common word lately.
So, shall we talk about the elephant in the room..?
Yep, I'm thinking COVID-19 and lockdown. Hitherto referenced as The Thing Which Shan't Be Named - I'm treating it like Voldemort 😉
But before you run away in horror, my intention is to be more positive in this post.

We have been in what is commonly referred to as lockdown in the UK for 4 weeks now.
Now, like I said, I'm trying to be positive, yet I'm not going to shy away either; it was tough at first!

1) I felt The Fear - it was all big and scary. The media was constantly harping on about it. It felt like the apocalypse had begun; we were all going to die.
The Thing Which Shan't Be Named swept through the world. Country by country was infected - a sort of domino effect.
2) I'm used to my own space and routine, and yet very soon Hubby's work decided as he had to go to London a lot, he was not so much of a key worker after all, and furloughed him. Is it just me or does that sound like he's now a furrowed field?? LOL
3) Our finances took a hit. Hubby has had to take a pay cut so he has a job to go back to. Me? My temp jobs aren't coming in, yet I'm not eligible for the government's assistance. And my book sales nosedived. Ouch!

It was an adjustment, make no mistake.
Firstly, I stopped watching news and daytime tele - I just couldn't handle it. Far too much scaremongering! Plus, we had the UK Chief Medical Officer on our advice adverts - take a look at that link; he made it extra scary!!
And I limit my social media interaction. I'm really sorry if you're feeling neglected by my absence - I'm not commenting as much as usual etc. But there is far too much fear, speculation, blame and anger on there for me to wade through. I try to spot the good bits, but honestly, it's too much for me.
Whilst I'm on that; please, if you have a book release/sale/news you would like me to share, please tag me or message me with a link so I can share it for you (if you're among my online social circle).

Going to the shops (for food) - a simple enough thing, became scary. Everyone was socially distanced and wandering around in a daze, wearing masks. It was like witnessing a scene from a zombie movie!

Then I accepted that we couldn't see the Steps.
Girl had come into contact with someone who came home feeling a little unwell from China. She came to our house feeling a little coldy, and we subsequently had an odd virus; we would intermittently go hot (not necessarily a high fever) and had a bit of a tickly throat. We will never know if this was a mild form of The Thing Which Shan't Be Named (*shrugs*). We got over it. Whatever!
Boy came home (to his mum) from uni with a fever too though.
So, it's been AGES since we saw them.
Girl is about to turn 17, so we're permitted visitation. But as Boy is over 18, he's not on the socially acceptable work-around 😞
I miss them!

Hubby and I gradually found our own space. Finding little moments in the day where we could do our own thing independently became important.
He usually works mega long hours, and then we have his kids here every other weekend and we spend time with his mum etc. It's highly unusual for us to spend so much time alone together in this way.

But, whilst our own space is required, so is quality couple time. So, we also try to do meaningful things together.

Like the rest of The Internet, I distracted myself with baking and cooking.
Baguettes and focaccia were very fine bread projects. Crumpets - not so much - those were actually inedible!?
I have discovered I like dal though! Who knew?? When Hubby next came home from the supermarket (being the designated shopping hero as he copes better than me), he held up a bag of lentils, saying, "I'm not saying I liked what you cooked last night..." - his sheepish grin was priceless! Needless to say, I've made it several times since.

Now, that is all very yummy 'n all, but when added to our increased snacks (also because of Stress and Boredom), our tummies were expanding a little bit too far (not fat shaming, just practically, it's unwise to expand further than one's current wardrobe permits as clothing-trying-on is not available right now).
So, we've tried increasing our jogging jaunts. Although, one day in particular, I ended up a watery mess as my hay fever (allergies) kicked in big time, and we limped home within 15mins! Oops!

There's only so many times you can stand the limited space to run around here; too many People, for a start.
It was therefore a joy - and I mean that in the deepest sense of the word - to go a bit further last week, to one of my favourite places for such activity. I was even rewarded with a plethora of bluebells in the woods 💜
And Hubby even joined me for a Pilates session one day.

Other distractions have included us learning BSL (British Sign Language), reading (of course) and me picking up my cross stitch for the eleventy-billionth time (it's taken me YEARS to get this far on this project!).
We've been trying to zhush up the garden a little too. I have a lemon plant growing from seed. The path is now weeded (thank you Hubby). And we're about to plant some vegetable seeds.
Our rhododendron is flowering in all its pink glory.
My azalea (which inspired a character in my book, Love Bites), is also blooming, sending its scent wafting across my garden. Yum!

Every Thursday evening at 20:00 we go onto our driveway, our neighbours doing likewise (whilst maintaining social distance), and clap for the NHS / carers. There's a terrific sense of community.
I was so moved after the first incident that I wrote a Facebook post on it. It was very emotional!

Oh, and I recorded several book readings. All are on my IGTV and I've started loading them onto my YouTube (but it's a bit of a faff, so it's taking a while).
And, of course, there's been book editing to do - my latest novel is almost ready! It's super hard to concentrate right now though, so is taking a little longer. Thank you for your patience.

But don't let all this talk of activity fool you. The vast majority of the time, we may be found sitting in front of our TV, watching Netflix or Disney+ (which arrived in the nick of time!). Hence the snacking.

I'm busy doing nothing!?

There have been days I've not changed out of my pyjamas; trust me. At times, I have wondered why I bother getting out of bed at all.
I get bored/frustrated/scared/tired like everyone else. We're all experiencing a lot of emotions. And that's OK.

All this is just my experience. I fully appreciate how lucky I am.
There are people not able to see their partners. Parents with young children requiring constant attention and education. People all alone. Vulnerable people feeling frightened. Others are going out to work, scared of coming into contact with The Thing Which Shan't Be Named. The thing is, we all have our own stresses. There's not a single person unaffected in some way.
This is a global pandemic - it's oddly uniting humanity in that we're all battling against this unusual foe. We're all in this together!

I have misophonia (a very odd, severely angry reaction to certain sounds). It gets worse when my sinuses are inflamed, oh, like when hay fever pipes up!?
Yeah, so, I got triggered the other morning, and went scurrying to the safety of my bed, under my duvet. A bit of a meltdown ensued. There may have been tears!
However, eventually, I remembered to breathe! Funny how we forget that simple thing occasionally!? Anyway, I took deep, healing breaths and focussed on grounding (a holistic technique thingy). I felt more calm than I had in ages afterwards!

And that's it, isn't it?
We can all feel panicked and overwhelmed, especially at the moment.
But THIS TOO SHALL PASS (one of my life mantras).
Just remember to breathe!
Self-love is more important than ever. Just do what you need to do to get through each day.
We will come through this together yet apart 💗
Keep on keeping on, my lovely.

Good things are happening too. Pollution has gone way down. Apparently, there were dolphins swimming around Venice! Our beloved planet is taking a deep, cleansing breath too.

We are finally realising the importance of those key workers - the people who are often so poorly paid. Thank you so so much if you're one of the ones still going out, keeping this country running; there are so many working behind the scenes who don't get noticed as well as those the media spotlight's shining on.


Always in love and light,
TL

REVIEW - The Fat Girl's Guide to Loving Your Body - true love

Date read: 13th February 2020

My rating: 4.5*

Genre I reckon: Self-help

Buy link: All stores

Now, you may have noticed, I've been using my blog to do the journal assignments in this book. 

There's a lot of journal entries to complete but that's the beauty of this book - it makes you actively think and assess your mindset. 

Now, there's an obvious target market - the clue's in the title. 

However, anyone with body issues can find benefit in this book, regardless of size or gender.

"It is not your job to be pretty" is a core belief here - sound advice for all, right? 

The first half gives you background of the author's journey along with advice before setting tasks for you. This is a voice of experience, people. 

The second half details daily meditations. Every single day for a year, there's a different thought for the day - something to think about or do, all aimed at helping you improve your attitude to your body and food. 

This is not "I know better because I have all these degrees" advice. No, it's far better. This is KL Montgomery sharing her experience and life knowledge with you. Open, honest truths. 

The informal language throughout is fun and feels like a friendly chat - far better than the "do this/that/the other" of a lot of self-help manuals. 

Oh, and there's swearing included, so if the f bomb offends, this may not be the book you are looking for (*waves hand in a Jedi stylee*).

There's definitely some things I will personally take from this book which will help me on my own body positive journey. 

So, if you've got a less than friendly self-dialogue going on, grab this book with both hands. 

It's even in KU as I write this - a whole year's worth of book fro free. Even at £5 it's a bargain. 

If you get the paperback, there's pages included for your journal assignments btw. 

If you do one good thing for yourself this month/year, buy this book! 

JOURNAL - The Fat Girl's Guide to Loving Your Body - entry 13 (last one!)

Book available to buy here

Entry 13 - My Tribe

Aww, look at my happy gang. 
This photo was actually taken a while back. A whole bunch of us got together and did some planetary lightwork near Stonehenge. 
Now, some of you may be glazing over and wondering what the hell I just said. 
Well, it doesn't matter, really. 
What's important is that this is a selection of my like-minded friends; my soul tribe. 
"Vibe with your tribe" really is good advice. 
When I did my 2nd Reiki degree with a lovely lady, I met some fab new friends who understood me. More importantly, helped me accept the slightly odd journey I was on and accept I wasn't alone or completely losing my marbles. 
I did more courses with said lovely lady and made more friends. And through them, more. My reach then extended further again. I even reunited with a wonderful friend I studied counselling with; we'd lost touch but haven't since. 

I feel so loved an supported by this gang. 

And so it is with my writing tribe. 
I have some great author friends. It's so important; writing can be lonely and isolating. And nobody else truly understands your nuances. But other writers will! 
I think my 'Interview With an Author' series showed that nicely. 
So, where do you find these wonderful people? We're all over social media! 
On Facebook, I run the Indie Coffee Lounge to bring writers/readers/bloggers together. 
And the very author of this book I'm journalling from runs 'Indie Author Support'.
There's lots out there - just search for your genre and join groups. 
I found Instagram a wonderful, friendly place to connect with authors too btw. 

So, go out, do things you like and maybe find like-minded souls in the process. 


Always in love and light,
TL

JOURNAL - The Fat Girl's Guide to Loving Your Body - entry 12

Book available to buy here

Entry 11 - Be Kind

I know I've used this image before but it's so good and is one that is a constant companion in my life. It was even my screensaver when I worked in an office. 

BE KIND WHENEVER POSSIBLE - IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE! 

So simple yet so tricky. 

Yes, it's always possible. You just may not always feel like doing it. 

I once had a driver badly cut me up - my braking saved a nasty accident. 

Yet, I took a very deep breath and wished the other driver who sped away love and light. 

I prayed their life would improve - if they are less stressed/hurried then they're less likely to be involved in another near miss or worse. 

And I felt better! The good intentions calmed me. 

After all, my anger would go nowhere - they wouldn't know. It'd just eat away at me. 

So, it CAN happen! It takes practice. And I'll admit I'm a bit out of practice at the moment. 

I don't know if maybe my hormones are starting to bubble over as I age, or what but I do seem to have a shorter fuse again at the moment. 

Talking of being kind, This Morning (British daytime TV programme) run a #bekind campaign to help stop bullying.

I'd like to expand on kindness a little further here with RAOK 
(a Random Act Of Kindness)

This can be as simple as you like and can cost nothing e.g. check in on an elderly neighbour, especially if the weather's iffy. 
Or maybe buy a friend a random bunch of flowers. 
Call a relative or friend - on the actual phone!
Buy a homeless person a coffee/sandwich (don't give money though).
Post a thank you on social media.
Leave a review for a good book 😉
Compliment someone - especially fun on a passing stranger in the street!
Bake for neighbours/colleagues.
You get the idea.

True story:
I was queued behind a mum and her young daughter in a gift shop at Christmas. I overheard their conversation; the daughter was trying to add her gift for her mum to her purchases as she didn't personally have enough money, but didn't want her mum to see it or know how much it was. 
Being a sticky-beak, I noticed it was all of £1.50 and found this whole set up rather sweet. 
However, the dumbass cashier completely misunderstood the instruction and ran the gift through separately and completely ruined the surprise in the girl's eyes. 
So, out came £1.50 from my purse, and it travelled into the girl's hand. I tried to whisper, "Here, give this to your mummy as she shouldn't have to buy her own Christmas present." 
Obviously, the mum, seeing a stranger near her offspring had ear like a hawk and heard what I said. 
"Oh my God, that's the sweetest thing," she blubbed, "I can't believe it. Thank you so much. You just made my year!"
£1.50 bought me happy tears! This poor woman had obviously had a really shit year and I brought happiness to her dented heart 💗 
Lesson: you never know what a huge impact your tiny deed may have. 

I often leave my change at the till to put towards the next person in the queue behind me (unless they seem like an arsehole - my generosity doesn't stretch to them yet!). 

Honestly; try it. 
It gives me such warm fuzzies. 

Always in love and light,
TL

JOURNAL - The Fat Girl's Guide to Loving Your Body - entry 11

Book available to buy here

Entry 10 - Fashion

(*sings*) "She's in fashion..." 🎶

I have long since made peace with my "weird" (means wise woman originally; the pointy hat fits!) 
And thus, my clothes are whatever make me feel good. 

But let's take a step back...under here...
Good clothes start with good underwear. Especially for the more amply busted ladies; the girls need good support - for comfort and for clothes hanging. 
I go on fairly regular pilgrimages to Brighton as that's the home of a Bravissimo - they do very good measuring and have fab bras. 
My bra size is considered 'plus size' - I really wish they'd look their size, but hey, I digress. 
A lot of shops don't go above (UK) DD 😲 And when they do, the bras are plain and boring, like big boobs don't want pretty things! 😡 It's like KL was saying in her book about plus size clothes. just in underwear. 
However, Bravissimo do many sizes AND in pretty. Yep, I just linked so you can take a look if you're in need of fab bras. They actually also do fab clothes in different 'curvy' sizes, to fit your boobs and waist nicely. 

Right, so once you've got the right underpinning, it's time to find outerwear. 
Jeans - bane of my life! I have long legs, smaller waist, big hips and my lower back goes in 🙈
However, I DO manage to find jeans to fit. I have a few stores I will try first now, but it took a while to find them. 

There's not many things I won't wear. It's all personal taste for me. 
I move in 'holistic' circles and they kinda expect me to dress in tie-dye. Yeah, I have a couple of pieces but don't expect it all the time. 
I try to shop ethically too - at least avoiding the child/slave labour products. That's not always easy as it's not obvious - well, they wouldn't want to advertise their awful human rights infringements, eh? 

Last year I worked a LOT of temp jobs. And I got a good deal on my (long-moaned-about) new house roof. So, I treated myself to a FABULOUS coat...

Now, a lot of people I see (at work), raise their eyebrows and say stuff like, "Now, THAT's a coat," or "You won't get lost in a crowd, will you?" - this is British for, holy fuck, what the hell are you wearing? Know what? I couldn't give a tiny rat's arse!! 
This coat is super comfy and I think it's super gorgeous. 
I don't give a shit what they decide to wear. 
Mind you, it was quite nice when I wore it round Bath and lots of people stopped me to compliment my magick coat (of 2 colours) and ask where I bought it - genuine compliments! I may need to move there?! 

Some of my dressy-upy moments

Sorry - I tend to only have photos on special occasions.
That bottom left dress is one of my faves - it has pockets!!! 

Anyway, yeah, I don't conform. I wear what I like! 

I did actually look for a bikini shot but I only have legs in those!? Will get more in the future! 

Simples! 

Always in love and light,
TL

JOURNAL - The Fat Girl's Guide to Loving Your Body - entry 10

Book available to buy here

Entry 10 - Self-Love

Right, now we're talking! This is something I know about. 
Did I mention I've literally written the book Self Love?
That book came about from years of experience, as a counsellor, holistic therapist and my own journey. 
Sure, it's a humorous novel but it also aims to help the reader improve their own self-care. 
I'd like to point out that yes, the heroine does go on a weight loss journey but it's because of health issues. It's not about that. It's about her self-discovery. 

OK, enough advertising 😉
There's a serious message here. 

Let me repeat that...
Self-love is NOT selfish, it IS essential! 
You cannot pour from an empty cup. 
If you are not at your best you are not best able to help others. 
Plus, y'know, who wants to feel rubbish? 

But we have years of conditioning to battle here. We've been taught "don't be selfish". 
I'm here to tell you that's not right. 
No, we shouldn't be all about self. But we shouldn't neglect self either. 

I ran some self-talk talks last year. They were really popular, but I have a global fan base, so I recorded a mini version of the talk. Please take ten minutes to watch it on YouTube or my IGTV. It really is worth it, I promise. It's free! 

 

Feel free to nab these images and print them

I created these for a double-sided leaflet 

There are what I call self-love tools, such as:

• Meditation (link takes you to one of mine on the InsightTimer app but there's loads out there)
• Giving thanks for your blessings
• Stop feeling guilty
• Ensure your inner voice is your own and that it's kind
• Reduce/stop using "should"
• Accept and give compliments
• Get enough sleep
• Take social media breaks
• Forgiveness (of self & others)
• Celebrate your successes
• Treat yourself
• Carry crystals/essential oil cream
• Create a jar of happiness
• Eat healthily
• Exercise (find something you enjoy)
• Get crafting
• Listen to music (especially helpful when doing housework; Snow White had a point!) 😆
• Reading

I could go on, but you get the idea. It's not all about hot baths and candles, as nice as they are. 

This is what some of mine look like.

I'm a huge fan of sleep. I have days out with Hubby and also my bestie. Strolls in the forest. Eating yummies. My bedside has a plethora of essential oils and crystals. Kitty cuddles. Reading, obvs. 

Last year, I also started a bullet journal. 

The thing I found most helpful is the Mood Tracker aspect. I'm a bit of a drama queen (*shocked gasp*), and tend to catastrophise sometimes. The mood tracker helped me see that my months were never all bad, and often a lot better than I gave myself credit for. Although, January 2020 was mostly 'tired'. But then I'm taking a lesson from that and factoring in more rest in February.

So, armed with all this knowledge, why am I reading KL's book? 

Well, I'm great at giving advice, not so good at taking it. 

I keep saying it but I really am a work in progress. I say that without shame. We all are. None of us are perfect. 

I'm a lot better than I used to be but appreciate there's still more I can and will do.

I'm currently eating more spinach and bananas to cope with my energy dip.
I'm also mercifully getting more sleep - January had many early mornings. Waking up in the dark sucks even more for someone with SAD!
Jogging is starting to come back into my routine, and I'm hoping to get some yoga/pilates in too.

Have you got any plans for better self-love?
Feel free to share in the comments - no obligation.


Always in love and light,
TL

The Art of Self Love

Image c/o Princess Sassypants

I wanted to explore self-love a little more here.
Yes, I have a novel of that name coming out, but when I started to look at the hashtags, I began to get concerned. Not because of smutty images; do get that mind out of the gutter, please. No, because I fear it may be being misinterpreted.

Self-love is about self-care.
Simple as that really.
Valuing yourself, making sure you're OK.

When we seek outside validation for how we look, this is NOT self-love.
In fact, it could be quite the reverse.

My background; I had started my Reiki training, but changed tutors. My new Reiki Master asked us all in level 2 if we'd been doing self-Reiki. We all shook our heads.
"No, that's for my clients," I explained when asked.
As holistic therapists and spiritual people, we all put others first. That's what lovely people do, isn't it?
Wrong!
Let me tell you what she told us. "You cannot pour from an empty cup."

Oh!
This really struck a chord with me.
So, to help others best I need to be at my best? Well, yeah. If I'm not vibrating at my highest energy then I'm not going to channel as much for others.

This does not just apply to Reiki, please don't worry about that.
But when you are happy are you not more inclined to help others too?
If you are sad you require assistance, and that's absolutely fine. But you're not in the best place to help others.

When I was a counsellor, I went for what is called 'supervision'. It's a kind of counselling for counsellors. We would discuss if anything had pressed our buttons; if we needed to discuss anything that had come up for us. It ensures the counsellor is not adversely affected, and is able to help others without their own stuff interfering.

That may all be well and good, but maybe you're now wondering what on Earth I'm talking about with vibrations (it does NOT include batteries btw 😉), or thinking you don't want to go for counselling. Well, you don't have to! (but please do seek help if you need it)

Self-love, as I said, is as simple as self-care.
Perhaps you're a highly driven career person, desperately trying to keep up with chores etc. when you get home.
You may be a busy mum/dad, running around, putting your precious poppets first. They demand this attention, after all.
"I don't have time," you may tell me.
Bollocks!

OK, so this quote drives the point home, but is a little bit terrifying too.
I'm not going to tell you to meditate for an hour, unless you want to.
I just want to encourage you to make time.
Even if it's once the kids are in bed, and you manage to go to the loo in peace for ten whole minutes. Light some candles (they help with the smell 😃) and read a book whilst you're there.

Better yet, take a hot bubble bath. This is one of my favourite ways to relax. Candles, music, perhaps a drop of wine, time to myself as I soak in suds; bliss!
But there's so many ways you can practice self-love.

• Take a walk; find some trees to wander around. 
• Eat healthily. Drink more water. 
• Get some exercise.
• Breathe in the aroma of your coffee and relish that cup. 
• When you go to bed, close your eyes, and let your thoughts wander without dwelling on problems before you sleep.
• Hell, just brush your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good. 

*see womenwithsparkle on Instagram for weekly inspiration/reminders to sparkle up.
And/or follow princesssassypants on Facebook for happy pictures.
Or, you know, just look at cat pictures.

You will find a mini-version of my self-talk talk on YouTube and my IGTV

And my Writer's Block blog post includes further useful links, including to my meditations on InsightTimer.

The important thing is YOU do something for YOU!  

We have been conditioned to think selfishness is bad. "You should not be all about you."
You should still be compassionate and think of others. But NOT to the exclusion of yourself!
Take care of you, and you can better take care of others.

Self-love is self-care.
It is NOT selfish. Is IS essential! 

Got it? Good!

Always in love and light,

TL

Should you wish to read my novel where Molly goes through personal growth whilst shrinking, you can find Self Love on all good ereaders (and in paperback).